oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i think i just lost a toe
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
