I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize