I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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