i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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