I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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