Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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