I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
