i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
