I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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