I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
