i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
