I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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