I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
