I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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