We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
