i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
