My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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