I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
