I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
