he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
