I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize