A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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