Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
