My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
