well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
