I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
