The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
