why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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