we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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