Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
