you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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