so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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