I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
