The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
