i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Everclear isn't food dammit
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