Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
