im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
