allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
