i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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