none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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