Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
