I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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