No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
