Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
