Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
