guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize