its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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