true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
