I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
