i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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