you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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