Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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