We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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