Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
