Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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