Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
vagina is talking i cant
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
