I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
