i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
