we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
