On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
