FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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