I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
